I have been a mom for almost 13 years now. I should know this concept by now but for some reason whether its my stubbornness, my inability to learn this subject or my pig headiness I still have not learned that life will not and does not or wants to revolve around me! How fair is that readers? Its not like I feel like I am asking for much. All I want is for everything to fall right into place and revolve around my needs right now? Is that too much to ask for? Really? It is?! Don't you ever feel like this? I mean I am mom. For the past 13 years my life has had to revolve around these three beautiful children God blessed me with but sometimes I look and I say: "Really? Can't these little "angels" ever see that mom needs her time, mom needs to get better, mom needs five minutes of ME time and mom needs a break?!" Can't they see that readers? Let me save you the time right now and give you the answer. The answer is a resounding "OH HECK NAH!" Not only a no will do it is more of the emphasis you get when you say oh heck nah! Don't get me wrong readers my kids are wonderful and I love them dearly but well life goes on and so does all their stuff. My son is currently now with what seems to be a Spring Weather flu and poor little guy needs mom to take care of his needs. Problem with this is that mom is not feeling well either. Mom is weak, mom is sick and mom can some days find it hard to even lift her head up off the pillows in the morning because when she does the dizziness, the nausea and the just plain weakness kicks in. Then there is school work. For most moms this is not too big of a problem because even though they care deeply about their children's education they have their kids go to school but my kids are homeschooled. For the most part homeschooling works amazing for us but right now homeschooling is not easy. I have to be there to guide my children and right now they are teaching themselves. I am proud that they have this ability but this was never my vision for homeschooling where I was more of a hands off homeschool mom then one of the hands on type ones. I am grateful when we could I was able to get computer programs that would teach my kids what they needed to know but I like, correction I love to teach and by not teaching I feel sometimes I am a failure in this department. Even though my surgery is only a month away my husband and I have decided to enroll the kids next school year in online Public School. This way they get the instruction they need, they get the benefits of public school and they get to still have one on one as well and work at their pace. Wow I just sounded like the commercial they show on the TV but it is so true. My oldest daughter has such a busy life lately and I wish I could just take a break there too but that is not my life it is hers. Problem is her life is my life until she is 18 and out of my house (which I shudder to think of letting go. It is my biggest fear sometimes letting go). My daughter has her own babysitting business and can I say business has been BOOMING for her lately! Problem with business booming is that it booms in my house! LOL I love kids and kids are my life but when you are sick its not easy. Every week she has anywhere from one to three babysitting jobs all done in my home. I am not about to sit back and do nothing though while these kids are in my home so I play with them, I help her care for them, and even feed them. One day we had about 8 kids in this house at a time and I was just starting to feel sick then. Life does not stop readers even when you are sick. Last night was particularly difficult. My daughter is a part of the Civil Air Patrol here and so she had her weekly meeting last night. I do not take her to the meetings because that is something her and her father do together and I am all for that but I had a sick little boy yesterday, both my boy dogs were sick as well by the evening with the girl dog showing signs of starting to feel sick as well and I even thought I did not want to take my meds that I know make me sick to my stomach and weak but I had to take them and was not doing very well. I made dinner because hey you are supposed to feed your family after all and by the time my husband and daughter left there was a mess in my kitchen from all the dinner dishes that I had no energy to do, there was a mess in my living room of the clothes I washed and folded but could not put away because they are for my trip this weekend to Dallas, I will get into that further in my post, and there was pillows, covers and an array of medicines and such all over the place to take care of a sick boy and now three sick dogs. My husband took my daughter to Civil Air Patrol and I was ready to call it quits because I needed a break and did not get one. I was not upset at anyone for getting sick, after all how could I be when no one is to blame? No one asks to get sick but I was cranky to say the least and with the hormones crankiness can be dangerous because one minute I am composed even through the crankiness and the next I am crying because I am so tired and so worn down. My son now was running a fever, coughing and with a throat that hurt so bad that when he swallowed he was in tears but mixed with his ADHD and he could not sit still so I could not sit still because I was constantly trying to convince him to come back to the couch and lie down or go to his bed and lie down. The puppy on the other hand felt so sick yesterday all he wanted to do was lie down and that had me worried too. Needless to say today the puppy is running a muck all over the house and is playful because he is finally at the end stage of his cold while the other two are at the beginning of theirs. By the time my daughter and husband arrive at almost 9 pm (I have a feeling my husband stays back talking since every week they come home just a tad bit later than the week before and he loves all this military stuff and aviation stuff) I was a mess. I just finished watching my show and went straight to bed lasting only 5 minutes awake before crashing until this morning. Life doesn't stop even when we are sick!
Now for my Dallas trip. I am so excited and even nervous about this trip. I get to go with two amazing woman that I know I will enjoy every minute with but I am nervous because of my condition. This trip is for a convention for Youth Leaders and this is a field I am passionate about. So passionate that I am studying to lead Youth in Christian Education. Youth Ministry is my passion. But here is why I am so nervous right now. I can not remember when I got a break from being mom, from being wife, from being the house keeper, cook, nanny and butler all at the same time and I know even though this trip is about learning strategies to help with Youth it is essentially a break from the mundane of my every day life BUT I am sick. Not contagious sick or anything but I am weak, I am nauseous with these meds and I even get dizzy and thinking about all that gets me nervous. I do not want my friends to think that they have to go and take care of me at this conference and all so I have been praying and praying harder than I ever have before to be OK at the conference. I do notice when I am entertained I feel I don't concentrate on feeling sick so in this sense it is good that life doesn't stop when you are sick because the entertainment value helps me.
I have to learn to focus on the fact that even though I may not feel great at all times and I feel like I can't do it all at all times that I have someone I can lean on to help me through it all. I know I have amazing friends that tell me to tell them when I am not feeling well but that is just not me or even in my nature so I do not think to call anyone. My big head thinks I am Super Woman and that I can do it all. But that is not how it really is. I need help. Not always the help a friend can give me but help I know my God can give me because He and He alone can allow me to know that I can do all things because He gives me the strength to overcome all the obstacles this life refuses to stop throwing my way. Oh in the book of Matthew there is a passage for such times as this. Allow me to share them with you readers. It says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30. Here we see what we are to do. We are to take it all to God. He will give us the rest we need. He will be the one to make life slow down enough for us to be able to withstand. When He tells us to take on his yoke for his burden is light it is because He and He alone can give us peace, give us strength, give us hope to withstand it all. Take heart readers and know that even though life doesn't just stop when we are sick, when we are tired, when we are overwhelmed we can lay at all at the cross and allow our God to withstand it all for us.
Thanks for reading along with me and for your continued prayers in my life and as always
Be Blessed in HIM!
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