How Do You Survive Hurtful Words

Readers the past couple of days have been so hard on me. Yes I celebrated my anniversary with my husband but we didn't really celebrate at all because for the past couple of days my heart little by little feels like it has been broken. Broken by hurtful words. Broken by ignorance and broken because even though the hurtful words pierced a dagger in my heart the one wielding the dagger is someone who I love terribly. Someone who I love with that heart that was pierced.

I have taken an approach to my situation, my life that apparently goes against the Status Quo. I can not apologize and I will refuse to apologize for coping the best way I know how and that is through humor. I have seen on Facebook time and time again a quote that fits my situation perfectly right now and please allow me to share it with you even though I know most everyone is on Facebook and has probably seen this quote time and time again but it fits my situation perfectly right now. It says "I am only responsible for what I say, not what you understand." Apparently my humor about my own situation has offended, has bothered, and has allowed my dagger wielding person to not accept that this is my life, it is happening to me and not them, and I am tired of walking on egg shells about something that is my life.

Let me clarify something here readers I am a loving and caring individual but when attacked for something that I feel has no merit to be attacked on I can and I will get defensive. I am the one going through this right now. I feel I am allowed to talk about my situation. I have this blog and I love that others are reading it. That others maybe just possibly could see that I am going through this and that if they are going through the same or similar that they can find some support here. I was told I have endless posts about cancer. Readers this is what I am going through right now and so it is what I talk about. But if you have read my blog you know that they are not ALL about cancer. Most are but I am also a mother and so I write about my children, I am a homeschool educator and I write about homeschooling, I am a wife and a military spouse and I have talked about my marriage. I am a Christian and ALL my blog posts talk about Christ and how I go to him and lean on him for support. I was told that I complain too much and that this is life so to pretty much suck it up and just deal with life without complaining about every little thing. I was told if only I would put myself in others shoes I would not joke about cancer. I know I have not complained to the extent of someone telling me that I complain too much. If you are physically around me you know that when asked how I am doing, and it always gets asked the same way, with a sad look in the eyes, soft tones and sympathetic head tilt, I always say I am ok and if I state something I am "complaining" about it is that I am tired. I am tired readers! I am tired because I have a house, I have three kids, I have three dogs, I have a life that guess what I am dealing with. I was told than too that I seem to just want attention. This blog is my thoughts. My way to communicate what I am feeling because I am not good at always vocalizing myself. Do I have readers on this blog? Yes but I am not blogging just to draw attention to myself I am blogging to let out my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts. For those who know me personally you know I do not question you: "Hey did you read my blog?" If you come up to me and talk to me about my blog I will most definitely talk back and strike up a conversation regarding it but I do not initiate. If I were seeking all this attention I would bring it up in every type of human interaction that I have and yet I don't.

I was told that they do not appreciate that I am claiming the cancer. OK a part me can understand this. This person loves me and does not want to hear that I have cancer but how can I not claim it? It is what is happening and I can not deny it. Do I say that I am claiming the cancer will take me? I am in every chance I get saying that I will NOT allow it to defeat me but it is there. I am fighting but I claim it is there. It is like us saying there is no devil or no evil in this world. There is! To know that there is a God you also know that there is a devil as well. I am claiming the fact that there is a devil and in my case right now my demon is the demon of infirmary, of cancer. But I am also claiming that my God in heaven is stronger than that. I know my God will heal me and there is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that he will. I know that I will have healing in one way or another whether the healing comes from surgery, comes from Chemo, Radiation, Hormone therapy or even a MIRACLE. I know I will be healed but I will not deny that I have what I have just so others can feel better about the situation. Denying something does not give you power over it. Denying something makes you weaker to it. I claim healing over the illness I have because I know I will have my power that way.

The last part that hurt readers is the fact that I have been deemed needless drama. I have deemed as something to ignore because you do not want to hear about my situation and my coping and the worse part is if it were a random person off the street I wouldn't bat and eye but I am deemed this by a person I love. So how do you survive hurtful words such as this? Prayer, Prayer, Prayer and the Word. God is the one who helps. I have never felt a depression before, not really. I have been sad and sadder than most times before but depression is not something I can say I had ever fully felt until now. I do not want to have to go and get what is pleasantly referred to as "happy pills" and if only I could afford with the money and the time to go see a Therapist but I know I have the best therapist around and He is God. I have the best "happy pills" around that is through prayer and immersing myself in the Word. Allow me now to share some of my "happy pills" with you all now: Psalm 34:17 tells us this: "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles." I am crying out to my Lord and He will deliver me from this. I know that. I know He is the same today, yesterday and always and if He delivered David of his troubles than He will deliver me out of mine. Isaiah an amazing prophet of God tells us in Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." I am currently going through the fire with these hurtful words. I am currently feeling like the waters will take me and I will be swept under by it all but again why would I doubt that God would not do the same for me as He has done for others. He will lift me up when I am weak, when I am downhearted and when I am struggling to stay positive. He as I have said time and time again is my fortress through it all. And the passage that has just brighten me up so much because it says that it is ok to be ok. It is ok to be lighthearted, to be overjoyed because I know one day His glory will shine through in my life is 1 Peter 4:12-13 "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." Readers I have felt these past couple of days alienated from my loved ones because of the hurtful words. I have gone through the pain and the suffering by myself because when I felt that I wanted to reach out and talk to them I couldn't but I through feeling this way. I have a God who will be my side always holding me up. I have an amazing husband who tells me that he loves me when I feel like I am not loved. I have a sister who calls to check up on me when I feel sick, in pain or even just sad and I have great friends who laugh alongside me even when I make light of my current situation. And I have you readers who I know are walking along with me in my journey. I have all that I need in that.

Readers thanks for your continued prayers for me. Readers thanks for your support of me and as always remember to

Be Blessed in HIM