Learning to Survive: Surviving with Dreams

Always Dream Big!!



Learning to Survive: Surviving with Dreams: Photo Courtesy of dancingcommas.blogspot.com Good morning readers. I am sitting here in my office right now waiting on some reports from...

Surviving with Dreams

Photo Courtesy of dancingcommas.blogspot.com

Good morning readers. I am sitting here in my office right now waiting on some reports from work to come in and keeping my foot elevated because I hurt my ankle yesterday somehow. As I sit here in a wait mode (something I seem to have to do a lot of at work) I began to think. I try to avoid doing that in the morning because it usually makes my head hurt but well alas here I am in a nice quiet, unorganized, chaotic office and my thoughts start to wonder. In the past I wrote about a dream I had. Oh it was a wonderful dream that I needed in one of the darkest moments of my life. It was a dream I prayed would become a reality and it did! My dream was about becoming a public speaker and speaking on women's issues that have been going on in my own personal life. I dreamt of guiding women who were either struggling with their faith over an illness, over a broken marriage, over a parenting issue, over teens and their struggles. When I first dreamt this I remember (almost as if it were just last night) how happy I was when I woke up. I remember praying in that instant when I awoke and saying "God, this is what I want to do with my life!" You see up until that point in my life I was angry. I felt like why me? Why did I have to be the one that was dealt such a bad hand in life? Why did I have to be the one that had to undergo cancer (twice mind you), deployment, separation, and an upcoming divorce? Why did I have to become a single mom to three kids, why did I have to leave my home? Why did I have to leave my jobs that I loved so much? And why did I have to start my life over again? Why, why, why, why, why?????? Then I had this dream. I realized I had this dream because it was to be the purpose and the reason as to why I had to go through it all. Why I got dealt this hand in life that now I look back on and while yes it was hard, it made me the woman I am today and for that, for that I am the most grateful.

I began public speaking. I won't lie readers the thought of speaking in public terrifies me. I am not a natural speaker. But as the picture says, if your dreams don't scare you they're not big enough. I want big dreams, I want big goals, I want to be terrified yet look back one day and say: "you know what I overcame the obstacles thrown my way!" I went in thinking that with my public speaking I would bring about a change in someone's life, someone's heart, someone's marriage, someone's family and you know what readers? While I might have touched hearts of women who I have spoken to, while I have seen women come and fall to their knees at the stage praying for a healing through God I have seen a change in me. I have changed and for the better! Readers when I got my diagnosis, even though I attempted to cope through humor inside I was bitter!! When I found out my marriage was over, while I attempted to stay quiet and strong inside I was bitter!!! When I found out my ex wanted to throw away the life, the family he had and I had to go home and face my family as a failure of a wife I was bitter!!!! When I allowed reality to hit that I was not free and clear of cancer, I was now a single mom, I had to attempt to provide for my children on my own and deal with ALL the aftermath he left behind I WAS BITTER!!!!! I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel I was in and I was bitter in both my waking and sleeping hours (mind you I barely slept the first couple months back home). Then came the dream that kind of snapped me out of my depression, my bitterness. I was going to be able to help myself through my ordeal by helping others! Something I loved to do, help others. 

Photo Courtesy of marcusan.net

I decided right then and there while the thought of speaking in front of others was scarier to me than any horror movie out there (I am terrified of horror movies) I was going to overcome it all in hopes of bringing about a change in my life. Now I have been a singer my whole life. I was 6 when I first stood in front of the church and in the children's choir sang. I was 13 first time I sang completely alone in front of the church. I remember being so scared and refusing to hold the microphone because my hands wouldn't stop trembling. I remember Pastor after I sang telling the congregation how little ol' me (the youngest in the youth group) was terrified and still I went up there and sang and did a great job so in order to help me overcome my stage fright told me I would sing the following Sunday another song. My eyes were huge but he held me to it and I sang again the following Sunday still scared. Then again in front of the congregation he said you did good now lets hear you again next Sunday. This went on for several weeks and by the end my stage fright was under control that I even could hold the microphone in my hand while I sang. 

Now I had several speaking engagements under my belt when the coordinator threw a curve ball at me. Now I had been scared to speak in front of these women each time but this time around she said you can sing, I have heard you during the worship segment and you can sing, I want you to sing for the group. Now its been about 8-9 months since I stood on a stage to sing and I was now absolutely TERRIFIED! What was this supposed Christian woman doing to me?!?!?! Had I not already stepped outside of my comfort zone to do something that terrified me and now she wants me to sing in front of all these women? I decided right then and there this can not be a woman of God, this was some demon sent out to destroy me. I began to pray readers!! I rebuked this woman left and right. I decided maybe I needed to consult a man of God to perform some sort of exorcism or something because this woman must be demon possessed if she is asking me to step out further on a ledge that I was already standing on and barely holding onto my safety net! But alas no she was not possessed she was however very adamant about it and so I caved and I agreed to sing. I rehearsed and I rehearsed my song, I call it my anthem: OVERCOMER by Mandissa. Such a fitting song don't you think? The night before the engagement I remember being a nervous wreck, being irrational and my amazing friends and family talking me down from my hysteria. I went and sang in front of my family (they too have not heard me sing in a very, very long time). I did it. I overcame the fear and went to the speaking engagement, prayed and asked God to use me as the vessel to reach these women who had come to hear about love loss and receive their spiritual healing and He never left me! I was a ball of nerves wondering how I was going to get through this, there was no microphone stand to hold the mic and I knew these women would see my fear as my hand trembled holding the microphone but something happened readers. Something miraculous my hand NEVER shook. I went up there, I joked, I spoke, I used God's word, and then I sang. God got me through it all without a sign of fear in me. Afterwards there was an altar call and several women came forward. I prayed with them and then I said my farewells and left. It was when I was in the car that I realized what had happened and my hands shook again but in the moment God needed me to be strong and courageous for these women and so I was. 

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9. 
If we look at the Word there is multiple times in Joshua that we are told to be strong and courageous. These two words are usually associated with men and how men should be in regards to their families, their marriages, their walk with Christ but women I want us to claim this for ourselves too. God commanded HIS PEOPLE to be strong and courageous and we are His people. We all need to stand on his word when we go out to witness to others we need to be strong and courageous because times come when God asks of us to step outside the parameters of what makes us comfortable to be able to give us the blessings he has in store for us. While I have never in my life been a speaker God called me to this time and this place to bring about my testimony in order to help others. While I am loving what I do each time I am scared to do it. Singing while it is my first true love outside of my God is something I get nervous to do as well. I've been asked why and my answer is quite simple actually, I am a perfectionist when it comes to singing. If I know it is not going to be the best I rather not do it at all but then I am also my harshest critic and therefore do not see that it might sound good but I nit pick at all the flaws in it all. But God knows this. He also knows what exactly someone needs to hear and my story was needed in that place at that time, the lyrics to the song were needed in that place and in that time and so therefore God placed me there. 

Readers always dream big and trust God to make your dreams come true. Always dream dreams that scare you because those dreams are going to be the best ones for you. Always trust in God to help you through your fears and bring you out on the other side better than before. "For nothing will be impossible with God." Luke 1:37

Readers dream big, the sky is the limit. Allow God to make your dreams a reality and as always...

Be Blessed in HIM