Surviving Despite It All

Today has been a hard day for me. I really had to debate if this blog was even worth continuing or not. After much consideration and much inner debate struggles I came to the realization that this is MY blog, this is MY feelings, this is MY coping mechanism. No one besides me should determine if I write it or not but I also have to realize that no one else HAS to read it either.

Another thing I discovered is that if this blog is viewed negatively than that is on others and not on me. I went back and I read each and every one of my posts and I realized that I may be talking about a negative situation but I am not being negative about it. I have told myself if I get bad news I get the bad news but I also have stated that I am praying for healing.

How also have I been negative about everything when I have been trying to be humorous about it all? I am not asking others to pity me, I am not asking others to see me as a woe is me person and I have definitely NEVER wanted to make anyone feel bad in any way about the situations they may be in.

I'm done with this all. I know what I am doing is for me and I was hoping that those who read my blog will see the humor in it all, they would get my positivity and know that I am putting it all in God's hands and even I even believe I am positive when I say that Survival is ALL about leaning on God, leaning on family and friends. But I guess the term Survival to some can be construed as negative even though in my mind I view it as positive.

Do I believe automatically my diagnosis will be gloom and doom? NO I am praying it isn't but I have to prepare myself if it comes back in that way. I have to know and train my heart and my mind that I need to lean on God. Why would I wait for the last minute and automatically assume all is well and not be prepared? Would you go and run a race without first training your body for the endurance it needs to handle the race? NO so why would I not prepare myself to run the race of life?

So whoever is reading this, if you choose to continue to read it, I want to share with you some of my funny moments in this situation.

First would be my daughter. She is just so awesome. Well tomorrow is my younger daughter's eleventh birthday. Today she comes to me and tells me that she feels like she is coming down with something. I tell her I hope not because she can not be sick tomorrow because tomorrow is a special day. To this she smiles as I go on to explain why tomorrow is a special day. I tell her: "Eleven years ago tomorrow I went to the hospital to get one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me" my daughter now has such a smile of pride on her face right now when I continue: "I tell her that because I got such a great gift eleven years ago I feel tomorrow should be special because I should get another great gift...." her jaw drops open like how could you say that? My oldest daughter comes in and says: "Are you sure you want another gift like the one you got eleven years ago?! I thought that factory was closed!!" To this I began laughing so hard. When my youngest was born I had my tubes tied. I would constantly tell people that this factory has closed since then and I guess my kids have learned it from me.

Now with this situation I am going through I pray that I can get a hysterectomy. I pray that if I do not have cancerous cells at least with all the issues I have had in the past and even recently that I can have a hysterectomy and just be done with all the problems.

Let me end off this post as I have the previous one with some verses from the Bible: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22 ESV this is what I always intended with my blog to bring the humor in a matter where humor may not always be easy to find. I do not want to think negatively about my situation and allow my spirit to be crushed what I want to do is bring light to a situation where at first I might not have seen the light. The Word is the inspired Word of God and I am using my blog in hopes of bringing His Word to others who also may be going through similiar situations. "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" Ecclesiates 3:4 ESV. I have mourned, I have cried but right now I choose to laugh and I pray on Thursday I can dance when the doctors tell me the good news. And if the doctor does not give me the good news I want I know when I receive my healing I will dance. I hope all who are reading this will join me and dance, dance to Lord because I plan on telling the world that my healing came from HIM.

You know what I want to do? You know how women who are having a baby have baby showers to celebrate that blessing God has placed in their lives? A good friend said this and now more than ever I want to do this: How about we have a party too? I want one of these two parties: "I am having a hysterectomy and will never HAVE TO be pregnant again party" or "I may have cancer but I am so gonna beat this with God party" would you all join me? I want to party!!

Be blessed in HIM my remaining readers.