Attempting To Go Strong

Well today was my ultrasound and I gotta say a part of me felt like a wimp during it. OK here is why: they tell me I have to drink at least 24 ounces of water before the ultrasound. In the past I have drank the 24 ounces of water and guess what it has never been enough so I decided to save myself time that I would go and drink double the amount of water because that is what in the past has work. Boy was that not good. OK so I drink 48 ounces of water before even leaving the house. I am still getting ready and I am well doing the dance, you know the dance, the one your toddler does when they are first getting potty trained. Oh my God I am freaking out about now and so I look at the paper the Radiology office gave me when I scheduled my appointment. It said if you can not hold it any longer go relieve yourself but do not empty your bladder, just enough to alieviate the discomfort. Sorry does this sound too gross?

So I tell my kids that mami needs to make a short stop and I run to the bathroom. BIG, VERY BIG MISTAKE! I did exactly what the paper said NOT to do. Do I really need to spell it out people? OK see I knew you all were smart. I pour myself more water in a bottle to take with me and on my drive to the Army Clinic I begin the process all over again. Well then here's the kicker. The bottle I had was only a 20 ounce bottle and so I was fearing they would tell me my bladder wasn't full enough. Boy was I wrong about 10 ounces in I am once again reduce to my inner toddler. Ugh! So I am now inside the Radiology at the Clinic when I am told: "Ma'am (let me stop you there, I know it is polite, and I know it is the Army but being called Ma'am is not something I like. In my mind I am still that young 20 year old who is too young to be anyone's Ma'am!) anyways where was I before I began my rant? Oh yes at the dreaded Clinic speaking to the clerk who called me Ma'am. He said "Ma'am I am sorry but the Technician is not in at the time so you will need to sit down and wait for him." SIT DOWN!! Are you kidding me?! I am here doing my toddler potty training dance and you want me to SIT? WAIT?? What in the blue blazes is this man smoking?! OK maybe a bit harsh but how can you ask someone who you told to have a full bladder to sit and wait?!?!?! Ugh so being the sweet, non-confrontational, quiet woman I am I nod at him, have a feeble attempt at a smile, and I sit down crossing my legs over and over and over again for 20 whole minutes!!

Oh but wait here comes the best part of my sitting in the lobby of the Radiology office. Are you ready for it? As I am sitting there praying over and over and over again "God please help me hold it in!" Out from the door where they call in the patients comes out this young, tall, handsome soldier who I thought was a patient and sits right in front of me in the lobby. I thought ok maybe he has to wait for a second part of his radiology but then after about 5 minutes of me sitting there behind him still praying the same prayer: "OH GOD PLEASE HELP ME HOLD IT IN!!" Its all in caps this time because I was in my mind screaming this prayer. I see soldier, lets call him: Soldier McHottie get up and talk to the clerk about what time it was and if his break was over? He was one of the techs!! Now my prayer changed to "PLEASE GOD DON'T LET HIM BE MY TECH BECAUSE I CAN BARELY HOLD IT IN, HE LOOKS LIKE HE JUST ENLISTED (THIS IS HOW YOUNG HE WAS AND OH MY GOSH I JUST REALIZED I MAY BE OLD ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE TO CALL ME A MA'AM IF I THOUGHT A POSSIBLE 18 YEAR OLD IS STILL A BABY) AND HOW CAN I HAVE SOMEONE THIS CUTE BE ALL UP WHERE MY FLUFFIES ARE? People let me clarify something for you all now. When I refer to my fluffies I am not being crude and speaking of anything unmentionable. My fluffies is my belly. I am trying to lose weight and have lost but I am still a big girl who has FLUFFIES.

15 minutes after praying that prayer God answered me. Again the door opens and a different tech calls out my name. I then had to ask God to forgive me because of my thoughts once I saw my tech. My thoughts were "OH THANK YOU JESUS HE IS FLUFFY TOO!"

I can not believe how horrible though having this ultrasound was! OK so as I have mentioned you have to have a full bladder and what do they do with this Ultrasound buisness? They press down on your bladder!! Oh my gosh I could barely talk and all I did was begin my original prayer from the lobby. I looked up to the ceiling and prayed: "OH GOD PLEASE LET ME HOLD IT IN!" Well apparently the ultrasound wasn't enough and they did have to do the scope. At this point I was nervous. They said they might need to do the scope if they saw something with the ultrasound and so I just closed my eyes, when the female tech came in because it had to be done internally, I must have come across as a total, total witch, I don't curse so that is the word I am using, but I felt like I was going to break down and cry so I just closed my eyes tight and prayed. This time because I no longer had to use the restroom my prayer was stronger. I prayed: "Dear Lord, I know you can do all things and what I ask for now is strength to be able to get through today and until I receive my results." And before I knew it the scope was over. I didn't look once and its ok because knowing me I would have probably made a tumor out of nothing in my head so it is good that I did not look.

God is with me through it all. Even the silly prayer of God please let me hold it in and if he answered that prayer why would I doubt he not answer my big prayer of keeping me strong through it all? The Bible tells us: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deutronomy 6:5 NIV and that is what I plan to do. It also tells us: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 NIV. So if I were to believe (which I do believe completely) that the Word of God is thr truth than I have to believe that even though I am scared because in my finite wisdom do not understand certain things or know why certain things have to happen I know God in his infinite wisdom knows what He is doing and that He and only He can give me the peace to withstand it all!

Thanks for listening (or better yet, reading) my craziness. I pray each of you that reads this learns to Survive and survive because God is your foundation. Be blessed in Him!