Surving New Beginnings

Picture Courtesy of Angelisse Perez

So people wonder why would we need to survive new beginnings, I mean aren't new beginnings a good thing? Doesn't it mean that you are beginning something wonderful and new? While new beginnings are a great thing at times sometimes they are not. Some new beginnings in the long run turn out to be for the best but at the beginning they are scary, they are hard, and they take you by surprise. Sometimes a new beginning might not be something you thought you wanted but something that someone placed in their mind that you were going to have to go through. My last blog post spoke about the end of my marriage. It was hard for me to write but at the same time it was a healing process for me as well. A fourteen year old marriage coming to a sudden and abrupt halt well that can be a shock to the system. I equate my marriage ending to being electrocuted. No reader please do not stop reading I have not lost my mind, at least I do not believe I have, just let me bring it on home first. See I have always believed that marriage is forever. You stand before God, before family and friends and you hold this man's hands in your own and vow to stay together through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you BOTH shall live. So when I stood in that church fourteen and a half years ago I took my husband's hands and I vowed to live my life with him. This was a new beginning but one that I chose to make. I was scared though. I mean I was 21 years old, I was already pregnant with my oldest daughter, and I was vowing to love for the rest of my life this man who stood before me. This was scary. 5 months later we welcomed a brand new baby girl into our lives, I was 22 years old a wife and a mother and I had no idea how to be either. I struggled I will not lie but this beginning while it was scary it was the best. I loved my husband and I loved my baby girl. 18 months later we had another baby girl and 19 months after that we had our son. Wow my family was complete and it all began with the change of becoming a wife and a mother.

Now we moved around a lot throughout our marriage. Change sometimes was great because we would get a better house or be in a better location but change is the only constant apparently in life. Then we moved to a different state. I was scared again. This change was the hardest of my life at the time. I always lived within five minutes from my family and now the eternal baby of the family had to fend for herself? Wow was that hard. I struggled making friends at first in this new location and thought this was the hardest thing but I believed God allowed me to struggle at first making new friends because he was drawing me closer to Him and to my husband. Finally I made amazing friends and my husband enlisted in the Army. Readers I thought to myself then and there WHY?! I finally have friends and now I have to up and move?! This is down right ridiculousness! I am not the type of woman who adjusts easily. I think back now and think this is why God asked me to learn to adjust because I was going to have to be more flexible.

You see readers when God wants something for you it doesn't matter if it what you want it matters if it is what He has in store for you. I do not like uprooting. I do not like living a life of uncertainty but God knows I would have to and so therefore I up and moved back home during my husband's 8 month long Basic Training and Advanced Individual Training. Then readers I am sure you can figure out what happened next. 1 gazillion points if you get it right! YUP I have to up and move AGAIN! Now we were in Kingsville, Texas which is about 30 minutes give or take south of Corpus Christi (You know where the singer Selena was from) and I moved back with my children and dogs home to Orlando, FL land of eternal rain and Mickey Mouse and now he gets orders to EL PASO, TX!! Back to Texas!!!!! Now I loved living in Kingsville, TX. Quaint little town, everybody knew each other, weather was not too bad either with the exception of the lack of rainfall and all but I liked it. Now I am going to the desert! The desert I tell you!!! Extreme weather, cold or hot but NOTHING in between, no green anywhere, land of eternal sun. I knew no one in the city of El Paso and I was scared yet again.

I now look back at El Paso and I have fond and wonderful memories of my church, of my friends, of my job. I miss it so much. I really became what I thought was me there. I had a purpose and I had a drive and then my marriage ended which led me back to Mickey Mouse land. Do not get me wrong i love my family, my friends here and I am grateful for them more than I possibly could be but I do not feel like my purpose is found. How do you begin again when you can not find your purpose? My children give me meaning and drive but I feel like my purpose might be something else. I have no job or career here. I am struggling with lack of finances because the separation has made my husband different and therefore I have no money to support my children right now. I want a job so bad the thought of working turns me into one of Pavlo's dogs and I begin to salivate at the mouth when I hear of someone looking to hire only to discover for one reason or another I do not get chosen for the interview. Being slightly older than 19, and those of you readers who know my true age I have two words to tell you: SHUT UP! and starting a new life is hard. Starting a new life of where to live with three children all either pre-teen or teen ages and not having money or a job is scary. This is the scariest of all. I look at the Word for encouragement and this is what I find:

"Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you." 2 Corinthians 5: 17 The Message Translation. God is giving a new beginning. He is starting something new in my life. The kicker comes in me accepting His will and waiting on His time. Readers if you are in a beginning of your life whether it is in life, in relationships, in career, or education lets all vow together to hold each other up as we see the change God is making in our lives and as always my readers and my friends...

Be Blessed in HIM