Learning to Survive the New Chapter in my Life

What a week, last week was. The emotions, the raw painful and almost crippling emotions I felt over all that was happening last week. Truth be told I was not sure I was going to survive it all. I thought the sheer amount of pain I was in in my heart was surely going to be the end of me. I thought I was going to break under the extreme amount of pressure I was placed in. 

So last week was my divorce week. A week that for 2 years I have waited for, anticipated, longed for. Readers it's one thing when you are in the frame of mind that you love the other person, that you want to make things work, that you long for reconciliation but I was not there. Once upon a time I was but no longer. Looking back I remember that time like it was yesterday. I remember the endless tears I cried! I remembered the countless prayers I yelled out to God to fix me so my marriage would be fixed. I remember the heartache and broken feeling but you know what readers looking back now God had set me on the path He wanted and needed me at. I could go on and on about how woe is me and he left me and he found another woman and so on and so forth. I could be the scorned woman who holds resentment in her heart, her mind, her life. I could be the bitter divorcee who bashes on her ex for ruining the best years of my life but what good is that going to do me? And how true would that even be? The best years of my life were not with him! Don't get me wrong I had good times and wonderful times with him. I have three of the most amazing kids to ever walk the surface of this earth because of him but the best years? No. The best years have been now. And the best years are still to come. 

Readers I have found a new me. She is a woman who has overcome and came out on top. I have found a strength through having to depend on God. I have found a new joy in my life through the process of discovering myself as the woman God created me to be all along. I found love in places I never thought of before and in people I never thought before. I have found acceptance and community and roots in life. I was meant for this life, this joy, this love, this strength, this overcoming all along and God finally brought me back to the place He always intended me to be in. 

I strayed many years ago without really knowing. I became of myself who I thought God wanted me to be without really knowing that I took a wrong turn in life. I was destined to be here and honestly I could have gotten here faster had I not taken the wheel and gone the very long scenic route to get to where I am now. But you wanna know something? Without detouring and taking the scenic route I would not have come across the obstacles that have made me the woman I am today. 

So I am about to say something I never thought I would say. I want to thank my ex husband for helping to make me the strong, resilient and overcoming woman I am today. I do not mean this sarcastically or even satirical because had he not forced me and jump start me on the path that I am today I would not be where I am. 

Pain and resentment of the past need to stay in the past. I am a new creature the Bible says. All the old has been washed away. I went through the fire and I went through the pressure but now I am coming out a diamond in the rough. Still need some polishing but I am what God has called me to be. I am strong, courageous, overcoming, resilient and most importantly I am His and on the path He has set me on. 

I am working hard to finish my race and I know that God is with me every step of the way. While trials come and they always do He will be the one to lift me up when others try to bring me down and the one to hold me when I'm at my weakest point. 

Thanks readers for all your prayers. They truly have been my saving grace. And as always...

Be Blessed in HIM